Life's short...

Had just finish reading Celine's blog. Can't deny, i did cried a little after reading her lastest post on the death of her coursin. After reading, a sense of urgency did came to me that life is indeed short. Sometimes, we really need to cherish and express our love to our loves ones.

I admit that i failed badly in this area. Fairy's someone with high ego and pride. Saying "I love you" is one thing i have never say to my parents. Showing care to my loves ones is another area i fail to fulfill. Sometimes, i do hate myself for not doing things i ought to do. I don have the guts.

I know i should help, i know i should not shout, i know i should obey but all this, i fail doing so.. I shouted at my mum when i am frustrated, i stood there watching when i should go over to help, i went off while i should stay..

From the bottom of my heart, i really want to show how much i care for them but this "pai say " feeling held me back..

I do admire Celine for having a great childhood. I hated my life before i am 18. I find it my responsibility to meet people's expectations. I hated school. I hate to study. I want to go out, i want dolls, i want pollypocket.
But i always get double of what i do not want and get none of what i wanted.. Getting what i wanted is so hard..
When i was in my primary school days, i hated school. I never get top in class but always the last few. Teachers never seem to care.. Every weekends, others will go out with their parents. Either to zoo or some fun places, but i need to wake up early to my uncle's place to have a 12 hour tuition. Damn it!! I hated to study!! Therfore i always cheated, i will always copy the answers behind the assesment books. I use to play with cars and train when i was young because i get to play the toys pass down from my brother.. I long to play my own toys. I have my own toys, but its rare..
Sometimes, i don't know why am i born in this world for? Living for others.. Making others happy, thinking that they knew wat's best for me.. But they never knew how i felt.. I felt like dying.. Jumping off from westin..

Like a rubber band, when a tension is given to a side, it tends to bounch back to the other way.. Likewise is human life..
Now i buy many toys.. I come back home late.. I work for what i want.. Not what others want me to be.. But what i am convicted to be..
In this way, i am happier, i prefer living life this way...